Genie in a bottle

2009-10-22T10:37:00.000+08:00

Waiting makes my life miserable. Am I leaving kuching or not?

Sent using a Sony Ericsson mobile phone

Test

2009-10-14T10:09:00.001+08:00

Test2

I would never thought that I would miss

2009-10-14T09:47:00.000+08:00

small talk

2009-02-11T17:07:00.001+08:00

I am so happy that i could sync my phone with gmail, gcal online.
Thanx to sony ericsson. I love my sony ericsson phone more dearly even
after it fall 6 floors from the tower staircase. It wasnt a great
sight and i believe at that moment my brain stop functioning. But
would all this hightech makes my life easier. Lets have a try first.
If only my enote could sync with my phone. That would be heaven for
me.

Saying yes

2009-01-24T12:31:00.001+08:00

I am glad that i said yes to come for dinner. It was fun, i learn a lot of things. I realise that things come inplace when you really really want it. And i really want a bowl of lontong.

----  Sent using a Sony Ericsson mobile phone

Dead man walking

2009-01-13T23:12:00.001+08:00

A person came walking pass by me. Another came seconds later.i stood there holding an umbrella watching a crying mother. I despise saying goodbye. Especially at a graveyard because every spoken words seem sinful. Nothing would be correct even how super articulate you are. A nod? a hug? A brush on the shoulder? Holding hands? Even body language are premeditate as a sentence. And raining made it even worst. I told myself this would be the last funeral. I bear not to go more. I wish not to say goodbye to a dear one more than my age. 28 numbers should be sensible. Is it a good idea? I not sure if i could take this after it. I not sure if i could mentor, coaching more. May i have a break? I am exhausted. Which is why i am scared of watching horror movies. Because, they seem so alive and so real that makes my beautiful life disappear. Do i see dead man walking? No. Do i hear dead man walking? No. I hope that it would stick that way eternally.

Appreciation of time..

2009-01-10T20:30:00.001+08:00

I think feeling fear humanize us. Hitting us with images that lives are short and meaningful. How far or deep we camouflage those mounted fear it would never run away or hide. Some say that you need to face your fear. But what happens after that. Do you become fearless and leave happy ever after? What happen if you fail to face the fearful demon? Would you die or live depress. 
I notice that fear makes me understand more of myself than before. Fear does not die it multiply by time. And time does not diminish fear like we hope so.

So what is my fear? Just like any normal fear. Would i be a good mother?

Breathe

2008-12-31T20:11:00.001+08:00

The new year is approaching. A new day. So what will be my new resolution.  
One place, one day.
 What are yours?

Sighh

2008-12-27T10:02:00.001+08:00

This morning i just realize that i have become this organic fan. Facial cleanser - organic, toner - organic, scrub - organic, lip balm - organic, mask - organic, oat meal - organic, tea - organic, shampoo - organic etc. It was intense. Is it because i live in far reach area that i suddenly become conscious? Or am i suck in to trend? Being organic is good thing told by them, however i am rather sceptical. As i found out Things in life are not black and white. Me typing this while eating organic snack. *sigh*

Xmas hunting

2008-12-26T19:24:00.001+08:00

Bored watching my astro flicking service unavailable my mind was humming let me do something. Lets play xmas hunting. Sms a bunch of people(total of 4) in town. Rules were made as the game goes. The objective anything goes with xmas. First task was within 10 minutes take photo with santa claus. Winner gets to determine next task n get all object player bring back. Eg task tallest xmas tree within 15 mins previous winner gets the tree. At first it started of with 4 people with simple task take photo. An hour later 6 people with xmas banner. Two hour later 12 people kissing mistletoe. 3 half hour later 21 people ransacking the town i was driving back home. Are you kidding me 21 strangers for me to handle. We never imagine how far reach the game could be. Before the police start eyeing me, i better go.

Current doping

2008-12-23T22:10:00.001+08:00

A week in a sleeping bag could make you weary and anxious. I thought reading any greek would put me to sleep faster than any pain killer.  
How interesting that i actually would understand what plato is trying to voice out. Am i turning a new leave. Now i am vivid of buying socrates. Is something wrong with this picture here?

Yehooooo

2008-12-06T19:32:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow im going. Flight early morning. So i need enough rest. Had the flu 4 hours ago. Hope we the best.

Walking or running a distance

2008-12-03T11:32:00.004+08:00

Four more days to go. Cambodia here i come. Today i text message my siblings asking what would they like from Cambodia. Apparently my siblings have no reservation. So i piling up a list of things to buy. Wondering if i would have the time to go to Angkor Wat. Hope so.

Buttercup ask me weeks ago. How do i feel going to Cambodia? I feel that my stomach has been twisted tied. Top of that i feel like i am down with something. A little bit nervous hearing a lot of bombing news hear & there. A little bit angry that i would do not have enough time to clear up couple of things at the office & house. So my house is like.. you know what.. A little bit of vomiting wondering if i could pull this off going for a humanitarian mission to another country. A little bit of dizzy as to why could i possible want to go there. Yet i am so excited. R says it is about time for me to renew my faith.

I am wondering if it is true.

Note: Right now i need to do some mental training.

The time flies

2008-11-26T17:16:00.003+08:00

Updating;

Last 2 week, while driving the company car. Bugger in front was slow down suddenly, i hit the break and was partly relieve until i notice the car didnt stop. Glancing to the left, the trailer driver was giving me this What-The-Hell-Are-You-Doing look. So swinging to the left wasnt an option. In three second i extended my leg hitting break and pull the break lever slowly. Out of the blue the car infront of me started to pick up speed. Safe. Afterward i was checking if i had drop my heart on the dashboard. Two days i didnt drove the company car. Phobia.

Today i found out that my appointed team leader would be my exbf. Fuck up karma. Now i have to report duty within 24 hours to him. SUck big time. Make me remember all those bad fights especially the obedience part (the i-dont-think-i-need-to-follow-your-stupid-rules part). Why do i felt that he will be enjoying this.

Had the best alfredo pasta. Still dreaming of it. Wondering if i could marry the cook.

Have this feeling that someone is giving me an crush aura. Need to maintain looking cool. kehkeh

Lost 4 kg in a month. Not sure if it is good or bad news.

Found out that i am allergic to paraben. Off the record i have gone organic. Green Peace babe. Now i having this feeling of being an upstanding citizen. Only just by buying some organic product. Kindly check me if any sprout coming out under my pit. Please warn me. I think i had gonna overboard with this organic thingy.

Saw a double rainbow and small twister at the same position last month. Wondering if i had breakfast or was hallucinating.

Had to take urine medical test for renewing an exclusive test permit. Wondering when was the last time i smoked weed. Thank god it was like 2 years ago. phewwww.

see you need to go gym and build up a muscle or two.

Current doping

2008-11-06T17:13:00.004+08:00

Currently i am reading 1984 by George Orwell. It is a fascinating tell tale story. I read through at the salon while having hair treatment. Maybe it is little bit weird reading while people are pulling, blowing & washing your hair. But it save me from small talk with others.

It talks about totalitarianism. A little bit confuse at the beginning with big brother, inner party, thought police etc. I had to goggle to puzzled up some pieces. Overall it was interesting how Orwell could imagine beyond 1940's on how communism would effect on people. Now its 2008, the year 84 is in the past, could the future be more alarming then 1984?

Grass root search

2008-10-15T18:15:00.003+08:00

Holiday is to meeting people, catching up on stories & investigate. That is my mother definition for holiday. But this year we are doing it for the goodness of heart. Amen. So therefore our last holiday we were digging our ancestor hidden dirt. Not because we are insane (it does occur in my mind) but our curiosity to be aware if any of our ancestor had any cancer or terminal illness.

So that when a doctor ask us do you have any family member who have a terminal illness i could answer it truthfully. Kinda off. But something else happen. Something unexpected.

First disaster, twins run in our family. Apparently my grandfather & father has been passing those gene. Suddenly the feeling that you have the high chance of having multiple children seem so scary right now.

Second disaster, grandfather brother was sent to build the Burma death railway. We were not sure if he is still alive. So we need to dig more dirt on that.

Third disaster, great grandfather was a rebellion (seem so familiar) and ran away.

Forth disaster, there are more relative unknown to us.

The art of leisure

2008-09-19T17:27:00.004+08:00

I haven't wrote anything lately because of being busy enjoying myself doing nothing. I wanted to live through the life of leisure. Basically doing nothing for a month. No gym. No early morning jog. Just eat, sleep and a little bit of office work. No working on weekend. No errand to do. No cooking. No washing yup i sent all to the laundry. No list to gone through or strike through. Not much of grocery shopping. Not learning a new skill. No volunteer work. No photograph. No need to return phone call. No planning. Not taking responsibility. No household cleaning. No budget.

I just wanted to regain my inspiration back or groove back. I need a moment to ask myself what do i really really want to do. And i getting a hang on this life.

Common ground

2008-07-07T20:58:00.001+08:00

How long have you known him? Long enough not to know him.

Do we really really know everyone around us? As years pass by with more experience and knowledge the shadow of knowing should be fill. Yet it unturn more shadow. The more we thought we know them the more how wrong we are. I had give up wanting knowing knowing someone. I mostly let trust, fate and energy determine that i am not hanging out with a psycho.

Nuke Ebanking 101

2008-07-02T17:44:00.002+08:00

Most wanted ebanking to be nuke. With out a doubt RHB bank. Not do i am unable to browser the bank website through mozilla firefox that had just celebrate its 10th anniversary. Its option were IE, IE and not forget IE. I not sure where the bank has gone. Definitely not much. Probably stone age. It has this awkard password system consist of upper case lowercase numerical alphabet dingy. Not to mention this 16 digit code card that you require to apply for more safety reason. Another part was typing and reading from your 16 digit code card. Hope you brought a magnificier glass. Position 1, Position 4 and get this a time frame. Its like playing those 60 minute download game. If you happen to be over 10 second more than given you have to redo or reload.

I think there is a line hoping to be paranoid or going to be paranoid. *Me wondering whose money that they are so protecting of*.Mine it just RM23. It makes you wonder dont you.

How far is batuan tengah from melaka?

2008-06-23T13:43:00.003+08:00

I thought maybe in some part of my mind that our country stand on no nuclear reactor policy even for alternative energy source. Maybe i am wrong or maybe i have been long out of touch with national issue. So after browsing news this morning, it was a surprise. I am not sure if i am comfortable having a nuclear reactor just a state away. I not even sure if it should be constructed at all.

Maybe he should quit smoking

2008-06-19T12:52:00.002+08:00

Sudden kadush little bit of what the?. The van infront suddenly pipe out smoke. One scary scenario. Thought it was my car, well you know my car is local built.

Nature will run it course.

2008-06-16T22:44:00.001+08:00

Everyone has secrets. And everyone had lied. A bad combination would be lying for not lying. Lethal combination would be secretly lying for not lying. How could they think that they are kebal?

Current doping

2008-06-12T20:31:00.001+08:00

Rene descartes being french should be snob and artistic but he wasnt. He was more scientifc more humble. Could not wait to read the world.

Happy aniversary

2008-06-08T22:06:00.000+08:00

Next week will be 3 month since i join a gym. Wohoo i pass my own benchmark. Sadly after last week attempt of running/walking for my own relay for life version i am still unprepared for the 10km marathon. Maybe i should chuck that marathon for the moment.

Current doping

2008-06-06T22:41:00.001+08:00

Positive thinking has to be a mixture of curiosity, pleasure, greed and the desire to 'make things done'. Debono.

I would have to say it is true to the core. How simple it become for us to critizes than being constructive. How finding a value idea is like finding water in a desert.

Mobile? what mobile? its a supercharge tech flat thingy

2008-06-04T15:59:00.003+08:00

Life is bliss when your bos is on a freaky holiday.

This week i have been configuring my phone. For all those super powerful thingy. Configure my email to forward to my mobile. Yes yes i can open all my email on my 4inch x 2 inch mobile. love you gmail.

Second configure is the reloading coupon via SMS. What a painful experience. No instruction no demo. I strictly believe that there are no communication between bank and the network. Nothing to guide if you a tech challenge person manage to screw up everything.

Third approach of twisting my head was configuring my flicker account. If only i could understand the word website certificate failure

What are you doing for the holiday?

2008-05-31T20:12:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow is public holiday. Everyone knew yet they wish to remind you repeatedly. And came the next question. What are you doing for the holiday?

I usually do not plan my holiday i m more an impromptu person. I think more clearly after a good night sleep. The question become annoying when everyone expect a great answer from a single. They seem to wish to live through the life of the single. And they seem to be mad if you dont have any plan. Not giving any recommendation but mad. Kinda weird. It become worst if you give short answer. Then the probing interview start. Where? When? With whom? Why?

More annoying when you see their face if you answer charity. I seen alot of those facial discrimination look if you mention anything illegal activity. Ironically you will get the same facial discrimination look if you mention charity. Weird

Updating

2008-05-30T16:05:00.003+08:00

Last week it was a different feel of stepping into a mentor role for the children knowledge camp. Did not know that when i said yes i said yes to being a mentor for 7 children. I thought i was assign to be a coordinator was i surprise when i sign at the entrance door it was under MENTOR headline. No regret fullstop.

Drove 3 hours to simunjan to see the 15 storey high black pepper. Yup i was bored. But it was interesting and seeing inspiring human capability.

Here the sale festival was early. So neeeeeeeeded to buy another pair of shoes like it was any relevance. But my need is weak.

Several call me in regarding Relay for Life. Sorry but i had to decline as my holiday was strike out. Maybe i will do my own Relay For Life.

Q google calendar reminder is killing me softly. Q i will disbarge you. High tech sometime could be a troublesome.

Work has been a little bit off the chart. And currently my GTD is working perfectly with some hitch here and there. But i am still a live.

Much to my dismay there were some loops that i need to settle before spelling it out here. Hope for the best.

I Abide to Agree

2008-04-27T17:10:00.002+08:00

Between the 4 minutes waiting for pregnancy test result conversation.

SY : At least they should have someone fix the toilet ASAP.
Me : Should it not be that i the least person you talk with about all this pregnant.
SY : Hubby is just too fragile now. Hearing Honey i think i am pregnant would put him into cardiac arrest.
Me : Its not that his first time. He had seven time of practice. How many kit did you buy actually?
SY : Four pregnancy kit and one big juice.
Me : You are so pro. Just so proud of you.
SY : I want to make sure before giving hubby the news.
Me : I hope i could see his face.
SY : pause
Me : So how. how. how.
SY : Do you think its to late to buy those colorful family plan kit.
Me : *lol*.
....

Wishing congrats to SY. You would be a beautiful mother with ~~seven~~ eight beautiful child.

Current doping

2008-04-08T22:37:00.001+08:00

I love this book. I even slept with it. I would like to explain who is kahlil gibran. Yet i cant. As i was introduce to the book two weeks ago by q. Its something for you to look ahead in life said q. My reply was hope it could put me to sleep. After that my regret was if only i found it earlier on. Would i make the same mistake in my life.

A call that i would regret

2008-03-28T17:29:00.004+08:00

Persan (a nick for any counseling acquaintance)call several day ago asking a favor. Why? It start with Persan mentee shrouded in pile of debt with a Fuukie(my nick for illegal racing bookie). A small bet of hundred extend to thousands including the additional interest crap. How could someone be that stupid anyone would say.

My answer would be that segregating the line of human addiction and obsession is damn difficult. We rarely notice it until its to late. Either or both would manipulate any fine guy to a plum. And people could shred their humanitarian skin when money is involve.

So his back door plan would be having another lenient fuukie temporary covering his lost. I have resort to this before for a former mentee as the last approach. Because Fuukie are well known for short temper and shortcuts. And someone someone had definitely told Persan on this about me. I was not sure if that someone someone was giving him advise or sending him to doom. Because you can not adapt the same approach for each same problem. For it to succeed will totally depend on how much you trust your mentee.

TI: Could you make that call? I have no idea on how to proceed.
Me: Why dont i give you his phone number.
TI : Could you just call and tell him about it.
Me : You mean calling my ex out of the blue and asking him a huge favor. I not sure how to react to that then you are right now. Why dont you & your mentee talk to him and see how it goes. He will not say yes the first time. Believe me.
TI : Its much easier if you could call.
...

Why do people believe that everyone will help them out of the blue. There is alway an aftermath for each tied favor. The part that Persan never thought or consider about the aftermath just makes me mad.

Cendul pulut kg jawa melaka

2008-03-18T17:16:00.001+08:00

Nyaman.

The way of life

2008-03-08T20:40:00.001+08:00

Is it not ironic that people surrounding you coworker, friends, people whom we buy food from, relative, etc whom speak trash about politic does not vote for election. sometime i do have this feeling that they are afraid of their own choices. If chosen wrongly it is their fault if they dont its all other fault. I vote so that i would know that my parents at my hometown live in a soundly secure and safe environment.

Asian recipe

2008-03-02T15:20:00.001+08:00

Water chestnut dessert . Yummy. Roll and die for. Location jln lapangan terbang next to choice premier and reflexology.

Sign

2008-02-20T19:01:00.001+08:00

My precious plate crack today. Why do i feel its like a sign? Something like everything its out of place. I am so stress out.

Art

2008-02-11T21:40:00.001+08:00

'Art crystallizes patterns of experience so that we can absorb them without having had to live through and learn them by a slow process of induction. Art can also give us a range of experience we would never otherwise have had. In a sense art is an accelerated life machine' by de bono. I so a believer.

Current doping

2008-02-08T00:50:00.000+08:00

Thoreau is complicated then i anticipated. Walden took me 3 month with multiple pause in between. Yet i still would not understand a bit. I may need to revisit reading walden. But for the time being i let it slide. I need my cleo. Head hurts.

Cny

2008-02-07T13:00:00.001+08:00

My first green chrysanthenum. For the new rat year. Little bizarre.

August Rush

2008-02-06T13:57:00.000+08:00

An inspiring movie. Love it all. Love the sweet child, the handsome actor and surprising actress. A movie with less line i believe. Not much of a plot but i deeply love the soundtrack. But really love it. Hope you enjoy it as much i did.

Current doping

2008-02-05T11:34:00.001+08:00

Woman in the dunes by kobo abe is impressive. Took me 3 days to finish up. Got me dizzy with the shoveling to live or live to shovel question.

Crossing 30ish Part IV

2008-02-04T15:58:00.000+08:00

Most Interesting Person i Met - Actually there are two. But i start with the first that i find extraordinary. A women in her 50 ish. She was born and breed here. Meaning she eat roti canai as we do. A USA graduate and couple years experience working here, she migrate to Australia in search of better living standard. For 20 years gaining a family and losing a family she sat there. Yet years pass and still she reluctant to relinquish her Malaysia nationality.

How did i met her. I met her as she was planning for her funeral. She decided to die here. Its not something i see everyday. I ask her if she could be more wrong than this. She has a immediate family there not here. She spent half of her life in some foreign country why would she return. She answer that sometime we chase surreal thing half of our life and half of our life amending it. She hope that she had time to amend half of her life. What mistake would that be? i figure alone. She talk about finding her identity and self esteem at 40. How she saw her son becoming someone she despise as a child. How pursuing thing she lost half what she hold on. How she have a lot of memories yet she has none on culture. How her grand plan for her life looks more like a plan not path.

Saw her in her highlight blond hairs, wrinkles face, short stout, high cut sandles and a bag to suit her. At first glance she has this tourist stamp on her. By second glance she do look awkward with the surrounding here. At third she still a Malaysian by heart.

It take guts to understand our mistake and more trying to amend it.

Current doping

2008-01-30T19:39:00.001+08:00

It started with a challenge for the year 2008. My task were given. Me being just optimistic that f would not torcher me. euripides was listed meaning that i could throw out any great thought i had. Greek. I could not believe this. And its a play. Would i bored myself to death? I asked. Actually it wasnt. I totally enjoy it. Which was weird. Indeed.

New beginning

2008-01-28T21:17:00.001+08:00

My first blossom chrysathenum flower. The first badge half dozen flower year 2008. It took me 6 month to find the right pot size, fertilizer and amount of daylight. I beat the other siblings. Haha. It give me the right to gloat for a month.

Crossing 30ish Part III

2008-01-15T17:39:00.000+08:00

To be continue...

Sluggishly answering the phone after the word 'private' plaster on phone LCD view, i notice how late it was. Dark and still blur, a hello was shouted at the other end. Thank god it was someone i recognize. If its a wrong number would that just be more annoying then someone farting at 2am morning. J, a son of a friend. I was not sure if i was glad or mad. After the short introduction, small talk and asking the weather. Like i am looking at the sky at 2am morning. The biggest question came drumming uncensored and like a hundred short acupuncture needle sticking at your neck.

J : Do you know who is my father?
A: aahhhhh
J : I would have thought that one of you would know? (meaning me, his mother and four other buddy)
A: I would have thought that your mom had this one to one talk by right now. Apparently no. Actually i know your father character not who he is. Your mom buried him so deep that i would not know how to start. It was not easy for her.
J : i know the consequence son out of wedlock. But i thought i would be old enough to know the answer.
A : I not even sure that you would be old enough or far enough to understand. Even i have difficulties. But the answer is your mom is protecting you not just from harm but from inherit your father sins. I would not even sure if i would call him your father. A sperm maybe.
J : My father sins?
A : grasping quietly.. and kicking myself
J : What do you mean father sins? I know there must be something but what?
A : I know only that this question should be raised further with your mom.
....
....
Minutes later, J persistent to sweet talk me out of it, me trying to karate him down all question and me all wore down. I did succumb to be a big bladder mouth. Now i know how foot taste like.

I was not sure if i still remember all the details. But point one was the father was a scum bag. Second point was the father could not even come close to be more honorable than Hitler (Seriously) . Third point was if the father was actually near to J, the mother would not hesitate to drive over him. How would you tell someone their most fear nightmare? Could they handle it? Would it be a better choice to be the honest the best policy? Would this kill any kind of relationship before? Should i look away and hope for their best from far far away?

Suddenly the twist.

J : I known about it for along time ago. I not 16 years. I piece it out. Just wondering why mother never told me.
A : I not sure if i should be relief hearing all of this. (deep down inside. A gush of water flow out untapped. Yahoo. I not the one who screw up. Wooshh. Would i be paying for that sin.)
A : That honey, i would not know the answer too. Your mother brains is like a Megamall.
J : But you do think alike. I hope to know a glimpse of what she is thinking or feels like.

For many years i known J and the mother, i never would have thought out that with their closeness and difficulty they have gone through. J still could not penetrate the mother thoughts and wishes. Apparently everyone have secrets. Secret layout over a secret.

Most Interesting Person - a person whom i bump into.

Curent doping

2008-01-13T21:56:00.001+08:00

Completed five books. Hoping this coming weeks i would indulge myself in borders or mph. Whats next? A play a philosophy or some romance book. Hmmm tough decision. For note, reading mc carthy give me the chill more than stephen king. Cant even sleep during the day. You have been warn.

Crossing 30ish Part II

2007-12-28T17:33:00.000+08:00

To be continue.

The test. Apparently what they say about that if it does not kill you the waiting will. The test result does not zap fast. It took me an agony of near four month for a definite negative positive. Some suggest the fast test but it was available and that its accuracy were rather small. What i learn throughout the waiting was that i do have a short memory span. Two weeks later i forgotten the whole thing. But i had a lot who would remind me constantly. Thank you for that. I would not want to infect you. Really (Hmmmm).

Actually i was confidence for the first month until i heard some horrid story. That numbers of infected expose to patient blood are higher than needle swapping. There goes my one week of sleep until someone pointed me the actual fact. Damn those gossip monger. Its more like why did i listen to gossip monger in the first place.

But life goes on whether i in it or not. The test result were out and i was clean. When to a fun fair that night.

Most kept secret - It was something that happen years ago that i can not even remember the whole story. It spur by one phonecall.

To be continue

Crossing 30ish

2007-12-24T14:03:00.000+08:00

I am still figuring out why or why the internet is down this month. Blogger kept giving me "unconnected" middle finger.

However i still deciding what have past this year as the top most.

Most terrifying experience. It even top up last year of being nearly shot during hunting season. It was rather stupid and more of taking granted the strictly protocol. Started with the day before, me preparing dinner and accidentally cut a finger. A normal finger cut. Touche.

The following day during a schedule visit to the hospital and me minding my business when S yelling for help to subdue a child. It something that do happen frequently in a children ward. Two of them were powerless against a 7 year kid. He kept keep kicking and screaming. I hold on his wounded feet and another someone the other one. He was calm after medicated. Still holding his wounded leg. Nothing occur in my mind as i saw it bleed through his wrap. I not phobia to blood so it was not a big deal. S thank me and patted my shoulder. She said, "Since it was known he is a HIV patient, the new nurse kinda reluctant to help out". Then suddenly my brain start to function and making this bzzzing sound. I looked at S hand and saw her in glove, another person glove and another double glove. Later on involve 18PL swearing. I told S about the previous cut and she look like she could grow another head. S hold and looked at my hand after the wash like she had ultra vision or x ray. And had like 6-7 people looking at my hand.

Minutes later skipping a senior doctor affirm that the chance of transmission is less than 1 percent yet he kept shoving me pamphlet on HIV (talking about misleading). The doctor draw the blood (its a VIP treatment if the doctor draw the blood not the nurse but the pickle is still the same). The doctor started giving me a bunch of pills (it was like a mother load of pills) and some talk of strain, mutation and healthy lifestyle. I was not paying attention maybe because of the after shock. However the doctor kept repeating it to console me or himself i am not sure.

Hours later is still vague to me. However the hospital treated me pleasantly.

To be continue.

Actually he does have a tail behind his ass.

2007-11-26T13:28:00.000+08:00

Morning are terribly the same except for today. As i walk from the car to my office door it was noticeably that a timid nervous guy was standing in front of it. Aaahh it was the guy that i wish to skin and boil in the meteor crane. He was standing there hesitate waiting for something i guess. I ask him "Cari ape?". He did not even look up. He was staring at the closed door. Staring or wishing that the door will burst up or what. Suddenly the door crack open and a hand reach out. The hand was holding a wallet. He took the wallet quickly, turn away and point his head down. He did not look up to me or said anything.

Hahaha. Rupanya. Takut gak. One hundred point for me. Negative one thousand point for the coward.

Down time

2007-11-24T15:00:00.000+08:00

Internet has been on the down side for a week. Not sure why. But i am hoping next week everything is all better. As i have a lot to update.

One Hundred One Thousand

2007-11-18T15:43:00.000+08:00

I miss out couple of Choc Fudge Saturday activities. So yesterday i clear out my schedule and try to fuss my way to the library. I not sure why but yesterday i encounter half dozen of obstacle to reach the library on time.

The laundry issue. As any Saturday i would pick up my laundry. But yesterday they took nearly half an hour to relocate my dry cleaning. Being a frequent customer this is the first time it happen.

The post office issue. I blame this on the new tech era. When the question like "Do you know the nearest post box?" would make question like "what happen in middle east?" a piece of cake tend to want me bang my head on the car. After questioning more than 25 people. You would not believe the answers i got. I had a clear picture where the post box were. Reaching there i was later inform that the Post had decommission it like 5 years ago.

The Eating place. I usually stop by this eating outlet on the way to the library. Yesterday it had to close down for a day. So i had to drive away to find some new decent eating outlet. Which was rather a way way way out.

The Road. As i drove away my normal route to find a new eating outlet. I was trapped in a traffic jam. I could not believe my years here that traffic jam is possible. So after lunch i change my mind and took the longest route to the library. At least i wont be that angry in the jam.

The weather. After the drove away. It started to rain. Not the normal rain. But heavy rain where your front screen start to steam up and see rather odd things.

I nearly give up on driving to the library.

However after standing in front the library, i am glad that i did not.

Note : Yesterday was a traditional marble game which we modified into lawn bowling as none of us know how to play marble. I feeling old.

The touch of an angel

2007-11-12T17:25:00.000+08:00

Last Wednesday was movie night. I was seating watching or what you could call as half lying for an hour when i accidentally pull the theater arm rest. It was tug between arm and popcorn. Point one.

After the movie, hungry as usual we drop by for a bite. An india restaurant with those 3 feet elephant statue. Seated next to the elephant with a large curiosity, holding and admiring the wooden tusk. A sudden crack sound. Felt awkward when the people surrounded me looking up me holding a tusk. Point Two.

Same night after midnight, bored waiting for others. Grave yard shift started. Seat perfectly on the operator machine. As i turn around getting my pack, heard this GADUMM sound. The machine metal thingy attached to its rear slipped. Point Three

Thursday. I brought a humongous super glue.

I hate self help book. But actually everyone do need one.

2007-11-08T21:07:00.001+08:00

I could not resist. I just need to have a peek. I succumb to the hype of 'the secret'. Would i love it? that is still to be determine.

Commitment

2007-11-06T11:14:00.001+08:00

I hate car service. Non of the service car taker would explain what in the world are they gonna accomplish after i handed the key. Believe me i may not understand but at least it would put my mind to rest. Because i not gonna fork out a fortune after a 'you didnt replace those part therefore its busted' when no one recommend me anything. Its noticeable that service car taker fear being branded being expensive is volatile then creating loyal customers. Even the service officer has an ideal guideline. 'good morning' punch some number on keyboard 'where the car' this are the tick item 'the lounge is there'. At least they should give me something to decide.

Note : two people have approach me wondering if i wish to sell my car. Flatter but if only knew the agony i put through.

Why does it happen to me?

2007-11-05T10:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday around 7pm, the house intercom ring. Hmm i thought. As i was hooking up the intercom i heard a familiar voice (as 90% would be wrong number).

It was a neighbor. "Come over and join akak for dinner. Hubby still at outstation". That would be nice i told myself and also the fact that i am itching of not cooking tonight.

She is in her 40's, children all grown up and spreading their wing. So most of her time she is alone. When i arrive everything was already in place. Plates and dishes neatly arrange on the small table. As we ate we had small discussion from the current welfare to Algeria. Its rare for me to find someone whom i can talk of vast issue for hours except with akak.

As night hover, i was wondering why she seem reluctant to let me go. Finally she open up after 3hours of talking, drinking and visiting toilet.

"Last night akak encounter a pontianak". Dup. dup dup. I believe my heart spurt out from my chest and roll under the table.

"Where?". I asked. Maybe i should not be asking that. But i do have poor resistant.

"At the balcony". Alamak oiii. I staying just one floor up. This is bad news.

Afterward she describe her encounter in detail."Thats why akak call you to accompany me". So last night i slept at her house and throughout the night consoling her that it was just an imagination. While actually consoling myself that it was her imagination.

And tonight i starting my 3 month grave yard shift. Am i so delighted and looking forward to it.

Note to myself: tonight bring a tangkal.

Imperfection is a curse?

2007-11-04T20:27:00.001+08:00

But why me i ask. 

Because it frustrated growning up watching the unconditional love you had with stone at a tender age. Even a decade pass and we are still searching for that one person. Some could not understand what love is until they menopause.  

Its hard to find love after knowing what you had. You and stone had raise the par for us. 

But i didnt ask for it. I told him. 

I know you didnt ask for it and would even trade anything for stone. But knowing that make things more impossible and irritated for us.  You need to let go.

Unpublish memories

2007-11-02T14:04:00.000+08:00

My day started with multiple questions "How did you know? When did you realize? " etc. I felt like being interview for a post to work in heaven. The thousand questions was overwhelming. As i rarely talk about Stone, because it was in the past and there is not much to talk about. And i prefer not to as years pass by as the pain is still there, less but still stinging. So when April bladder about Stone to this Person, i got this questions on how did i know that he would be the one.

Frankly i did not know. It was not a first sight first smell first gawking head over heel. It was more of talk-laugh-buddy scenario. It was time factor. Both of us were pretty young and finding your other half would be less important than searching your own identity. But we found each other. The end.

Life is a drama.

2007-10-30T15:56:00.000+08:00

Last night i had a chaos night. When the boyfriend of my subordinate send a threaten text message after i slow talk with her to fix her work performance. She had been frequently late, insubordinate and haywire our daily routine system. The high level talk was to send a discipline letter but i thought we should talk to her and give her a second chance. But i was wrong when i received a hurricane of thrash talk of text message from her beloved boyfriend.

In which i could quote as

"Whats your problem with her. If you are not satisfied with her. I want to see you face to face. Jgn main hentam sebarang je nak ngata org"

I was furious, pissed and annoyed. I never counted something like this from a subordinate. especially from your subordinate boyfriend not husband but the new two month boyfriend. So i had ask around since last night on step what gone wrong, what should i done, what am to do and how to peel the guy skin and boil in a meteor crane.

So after rounds of talk and mengata. I found a fresh perspective from a friend, April. What made April appealing to me through years of friendship was her cool composure beneath that haywire life she has. I had never understood why April to begin with and still an escort gal.

She text me this words.

"The first step would be to forgive her and to stop feeling like she owes you something.

You should let her be aware of your perception, that she cannot determine your destiny.
You're not implying that she is not responsible for her action, but keeping yourself from trap in an neverending sever emotional.

So that you can live life freely.

And last you thank her for giving you the experience. Not apologize but thank her. "

It made sense in some weird cosmos way. So i text her

"Thats nice"

She reply.

"I borrow it from Oprah."

My first day laugh. Thank you all for lending your ears listening to my growling and annoying complaint throughout the night. I would wonder what would happen without all of you, friends.

Are there second chance?

2007-10-24T20:56:00.001+08:00

'I known when both of you sat there without a word. Looking such content making me realise that the less you spoke the happier you are with him. I hated you for having that and him being that. '
As he stop to clear his voice i looked up. 'Would...ehmm..couldyou..hhhave ever..'

i slump covering my face with both hand and crying. 'I am so sorry. So sorry. sorry.'

Next time...

2007-10-09T23:07:00.001+08:00

You know you inherit OCD when one evening after raking leaves under THE TREE. THE TREE that we 'cherish' for its double effort in shreading leaves more than other plant since we were young. After raking we swung the branches and shook it stem to ensure no more leave. As we look at each other our eyes met at the chainsaw. It was a silent agreement. Grrr grr. Suddenly we heard a high pitched sound. Woii Nak buat ape tu? THE TREE saved by the bell again.

Language

2007-09-27T10:27:00.000+08:00

Communication is lethal. Its how you effectively use it or strengthen its tools that would make your life awesome. At work generally i used walkie talkie due to obvious reason, free and ability to talk without interruption. Its even handy for nagging (a lethal weapon for a woman i would say) and playing throw and catch. The dis would be the lack of any private conversation without feeling like yelling from the top of a hill. Due to ~~secret~~ security reason we develop and refine our own code language. Not that intellectual but fair enough.

Bravo Delta - Bos On the way.
Bravo Delta Delta - Bos On the Way with head nearly explode. Extreme Caution.
Delta Delta - Danger Danger or No F&*^king way.
Delta Tango - Diarrhea or long long toilet break. Things do need to go down once in a while.
Mike Mike Mike - Mari Minum. Lets have a drink.
Kilo Juliet - Keluar Jap. Going out for a while.
Kilo X Ray X Ray - Keluar X X X. Going out and will not return back today.
Papa Mike Or Papa Charlie - PMS. Do not cross with me.
Quebec Insert name eg Frank - Cursing frank. I not sure why quebec was chosen.

But the most critical code is
Hotel Hotel Hotel - Hantu Hantu Hantu. Ghost Ghost Ghost

Of to date the most bugling code we heard was "Quebec Bravo Delta Delta Kilo X Ray X Ray Hotel Hotel". In which we could interpret as i am taking medical leave today and tomorrow as my head is nearly explode.

Raya decoration?

2007-09-26T13:03:00.000+08:00

"We are busybody therefore it is essential that we art decor the office". A general statement in deed but the raya mood has sunk us to the bottom of ocean where people jolly all day with no return ticket. It maybe premature to kick start off that early especially only on the 12 day of puasa. But we never consider ourself normal people. Several discussion was held. Decoration is hard you know. Decision is still in the making.

For other festive you have a variety of decoration to choose. However for Aidilfitri we stick to most frequent choice. Raya card and ketupat every year. I hope this year we have some hansy pansy exotic display. A canon bamboo. Maybe. A gigantic pelita. Not possible.

After the discussion a Fella announce, "Have anyone saw the stray black dog?". Everyone turn and look at me. It was kinda disturbing. The Fella arch his brow as it was those polite direct question. "Why is everyone looking at me?", i shrug. Another Fella reply,"Just wondering if there are some scrap bones under your car." haha cute. I dont think i would run over a dog and would not notice about it. Do I. hmmmm.

Fashion?

2007-09-21T15:46:00.000+08:00

I have a bulk of baju kurung that sit nicely in the wardrobe. As years past by and many of raya gone through the numbers of baju staying my closet increases significantly. Its not i do not favor wearing them its just works indirectly require me not. Looking at them it seem like a shame at least i would wear them once a year. So today i choose my bright cream sulam baju kurung. Starting from the entrance door, there were sounds of snickering, heads turning, the occasional glance and give way body language. It not personnel just its a rare view to see us in kurung. Not just me but most of my officemate.

However i may should have stick to my routine wear when the ring start coming in and the voice. The voice. The voice that said. "We need to conduct an inspection in 15 minutes". Ahhh that voice.

To be short. I was in kurung with a knee length boots inside a frantic large culvert that i would swear smell like a garbage can and through the corner of my eye a lazy wood (crocodile suspect), wearing those shining safety vest, holding those big waterproof torchlight and walkie talkie clip to my working belt.

I could swear my colleague did that just for revenge. (If any f*&^ing guy took my photo at that moment i would wish to roll him over by a car)

Siam? Anyone

2007-09-15T19:23:00.001+08:00

My first self cooked mihun siam. I was terrify if it taste like crap. Thank god it didnt.

Fall face

2007-09-12T13:24:00.000+08:00

Last weekend. K ring me up.

...
K : Just checking. We do love our mothers dont we?
A : Sometimes i do have some doubt. But i do mine. Yours i think you do.
K : What do you mean think???*Ghastly*. he started it.
A : I believe you love your mother. cough. cough. What did she do now. She ask THE when are you gonna marry question?
K : Silently. YUP.
A : *laughing like a hyena* . ka dumppp. Fallen from the bed
K : there is karma.
....

Housemate from hell

2007-09-11T13:29:00.000+08:00

My temporary housemate has ~~been kick out~~ moved out. Where most of my working years, i lived with my family (brother, auntie). So when she said temporary, I nodded thinking it could not be that bad. 10 years of hostel experience i am a master.

Six week later my regret was bigger than airbus 380 could handle. She is late to everything including the office. I become the involuntary accomplish of late comer as she rides with me. There were time that my head was bubbling with intention of leaving her home while i drive to work alone. Imagine you already suited up, banging her door and hearing this bear like snoring.

Another bad habit was eating in the bedroom. The ramification a continues string of ant worshipers to her room on one those delightful weekend. Not every weekend just only the weekend when she is not around. That weekend where you could see me alone swarm in aerosol and on all four limbs cleaning up.

The cooking. I have to mention cooking. I do not know where she has been living but she cooks inside the house where all windows and door are closed. Where just a feet a way by using hand a beautiful door could presto open. Now i have to fragrance spray the curtains and cushion. The cook dumping. She could dump her left overs in the dustbin and left it couple of days until i believe a squirming worm exist. Horrifying incident. Horrify until today.

The cloth drying in the house. I not sure why she thought drying cloth in the house would be hygienic or efficient wisely. And still now i not sure why. The water waste. i do not need to elaborates on this.

The electric waste. One delightful Saturday, coming back from hours of shopping i noted her sleeping in the living room with the air condition and get this with the balcony door open widely. Thinking my electric bill is gonna shoot with the rocket to the moon.

But the finale, the part when on some weekdays i got sick. Without asking permission she drove my car to the office and wrote a dear john note found by me tuck on the coffee table. Simplify as ' i gonna used the car, if you gonna need it please do call'. Making me screaming what the f*&%. Ok i have high fever and low blood pressure. I do not have a car. So i can not drive anywhere. My house keys is attach with the car key. Apparently she thought it would be wise that i should not go out and grab some foods. And the night before she ask me if she could used my phone as her credit expired and i told her i face the same problem. So what the fuck was in her brain noting down please call. By what? Hours past until noon me slugging waiting and waiting. Apparently she never thought to come home and return the car. So that noon when father and Q ask me why i have not gone to the clinic. I answer them truthfully. Through the phone i could feel the flame on the other end. Q ask me her number. Father was giving me speech of you just to nice to people. bla bla. And father transfer his credit for me to call her in which i text her.

However minutes later i received a text message from her. Coming in 10 minutes. Evidently Q had call her moments after hooking off the phone. She came drop the car key and rush back during lunch hours. Days later she moved out. Weeks later I asked Q what did he say. He reply it was just a two minute conversation involve cursing in six languages. Interesting. I never knew Q can speak six languages.

Decision, decision, decision...

2007-09-07T17:58:00.000+08:00

Do i hate being stuck in between. Cross path are just so lame. Cant we just make a decision by tossing a coin. Sod it. I gonna toss a coin.

2007-09-05T23:03:00.001+08:00

i plan on things that could happen exhaustively and hope for the best. And usually i have more than two independent plan at one time. Worst and supernatural. However deep down i love it when things do not go down as plan more than expected. Its like a test to my creativity. Sometimes being abnormal are handy during those moment. Because most will come up with this heavy complicated oxford mitigation plan. Yet you can breeze flying like angel with a bizarre economical simple plan. And suddenly they are thankful. I love those moment.

What. Me. Again

2007-09-04T16:05:00.000+08:00

"You would be an ideal?". To what i thought. "You know all the 411 how to prepare for the worst scenario. ". "You have experience more than others". My mother will kick me by herself if i say yes to this. More importantly am i ready as ready to this. Couple of weeks a go a friend drop a bomb.

"Would you be a foster mother". The word WHAT was screaming in my thought. Follow by does she know whom she is talking too. Maybe that gal in front of me. As we were walking on the road.

"come on. You must have thought about it at least". Apparently i have not. I think of all the dirt that would put my parent into coma this will be it. "let me think about it first". I reply just to put a stop to this. "They are a darling.". Did she say THEY. How come throughout the conversation she never mention there is more than one human are involve. THEY. THEY. It kept ranging in my ear. "I dont think thats a good idea".

She shyly look into my face and smile brightly . "At least i tried". And scooted into the car looking innocently.

Ladies and gentleman, this the set back of befriend a social worker. You are always their first, second, third and last choice. Do not underestimate or overlook their tenacity. They are more capable then any salesperson.

A new light

2007-08-23T16:29:00.000+08:00

Couple of weeks ago, i had a high ambition out of splurge. I gonna to those large wet market. And i mean large. Already at 330 morning. My hand was shivering my teeth was clanking. It was cold. Kinda weird for someone who had spent 4 month working graveyard shift. It was either the cold or the cold of 'what the heck am i doing'. So me being all educated and stuff thinking that i had conquer the world miss a junction and got lost for 15 minutes. A happy bright early morning to start off with. As i arrive the street. As the market was to small all started placing their stuff on the road. It was like anew world to me. Or that i was still sleepy. The lorry line up side by side on the street. In front the hawkers started to bargain.

People were lining up and bargaining. Some had a different tactic. Mine were a half kilo of fish. Any fish. I just wanted to see the place. So as i was snooping around. I saw this big parang fish. It has been long since i cook one. About 2 years. Pointing out to the fellow, "how much?". "Rm6 sekilo". Hmm. k la i just need half the fish. And the apek had the nerve to shrug his head. "Rm 5.50 ok". "No", and showing with my arms something like an elephant got chain saw in half. His eyes got red and said "RM5 because no one to buy half parang". And i was like what. Suddenly he had this kinda bored look. "Rm 4". I nodded thinking so cheap. And within minutes he wrap with paper and bounce it in plastic beg.

As i reach home. Reality bites. What the hell am i gonna do with this large fish. And i have been thinking about it since. There still a large chunk of fish in my fridge.

To be continue...

Unsub

2007-08-03T02:00:00.001+08:00

'Why do you read books?' A question thrown to me as she flip through pages with her pointy finger. An observation which i believe was rather personnel and impolite.

'Nightmare...' 'It help me get rid of those nightmares..'. She didnt stare back or flee off. She continue flipping the pages. 'Me too'. That was the beginning of my friendship with April the 'escourt' gal.

Jumble sale.

2007-07-28T13:49:00.001+08:00

A day start early with them setting up the stall. N the talent one did the face paint while me sat at the side. I would not want to give some child nightmare. There wasnt much crowd. And the day wasnt hot.

Happy green day

2007-07-07T20:03:00.001+08:00

Morning started off with waking up late. I have two appointment today making time an essence. Today is the live earth environment day. My appointment start with digging a hole and planting a tree. I was sweating and smell like mud. But it was awesome as we serve with chrysanthemum drink while three makcik bergendang. Next stop was children telematch. It was raining so the place was relocate inside. We were loud, annoying and having a blast. It was like reliving my childhood. That we could not differentiate between the adult and kid

I am under pay for all this.

2007-07-04T12:02:00.000+08:00

Morning work usually start with a sip of tea. Or a nice view of the morning sun. Or reading the newspaper before to work. Or a ten minute qi qong stretch. Today was different.

Today morning at work started with just being far enough to be safe but close enough to smell it. Far enough to be far from the started fight but close enough to know what blood smell like. It started with two man poking and hurling each other. Within five second fast forward to kicking and maneuver with something long and sturdy. The moment i saw them holding something long and shining under the sun that was my cue to move away. I just hate long metal piece. Because being in the vicinity you will have more tendency and probability to be swing or thrown at then the target itself.

Ahhh the bitter taste of working. It just another way to start my day with. Watching two guy blood out and trying to hack each other. What did i learn today from all this experience. To walk backward and not to turn your back at any moment a fight started. I so need my caffeine today.

Valium anyone?

2007-07-01T13:40:00.001+08:00

Since i move here i have not host any dinner party. I miss those moment walking in the market thinking of the menu. Whom coming and what are they bringing. Sometime it takes just couple hours. But those time i had N who could whip a three course meal without a sweat if i screw up and a brother whom silverware i could borrow. Or T who can help me clean and decor the place like a restaurant. So doing it alone was challenging. And now i am rethink this dinner party.

Did i ever tell you...

2007-06-26T15:27:00.000+08:00

It was just any normal day. As usual we had to go through the metal detector to make sure we did not bring any illegal roti canai or latest heroes DVD through. Would that be dangerous. So the first thing was to empty our pockets and dump into those wooden basket. As usual we line up waiting to be scan. Faded we heard the security counting behind the XRay machine. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. But there are only six he shouted.

At the other end as we pick up our belonging he had this marvel face. It was like half sicko and weird praise. Apparently there were only six of us but there were eleven handphones.

Did i ever tell you that we are techno geeks.

Do i need to get life insurance?

2007-06-21T16:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday talk was kinda disturbing. Me sitting quietly fiddling with my food when they popped the question. Whats the worst thing that happen to you at work?

Let me see, i fumble awhile. I spent most of my time outside so there are lot of possibility of encounter. Starting it chronology. Hmm. There was the time that i stood across a python less than 2 metre in a manhole chamber. There was a time when we were in sea and got lost for hours in the Selat Melaka notorious for pirate infested carrying M16 like Rambo. There was the time when i met face to face with those baby shark without my spear. Also the memorable time when we were walking through those long culvert when we heard a tiger snoring. There was time we got chase by those two tonne (maybe i exaggerate their size a bit) wild boars and their delicate trunks were close and we forgot our walkie talkie. And those adorable time in the air when the twin otter plane pilot said the right engine could not start. Or the part while doing reconnaissance we heard a gunshot and it was hunting season. Or those haunted story we saw. Or that we were trap in whirlwind and the car rotated 360 degree. Or the part that the car turn upside down just below the pit. Or that we had to walk like 40 km away back as all four car tyres were flat. Or the part when during a inspection walk we saw a tree written with "this area is santau area" and we happen to be in that area. Not to forget those hantu laut that are like 100m high. And the part we found part of a skeleton that thankfully was a animal remain. Those time we found a detonated bomb. Or the part that i nearly step on an animal trap. And...etc.

My friend look up to me and said. Honey i think you so need to mandi bunga. Maybe

Short Update

2007-05-31T17:52:00.000+08:00

Weeks ago: T. Email me up. "Could you design my tomb for me?".
I felt such an honor in a grisly, disturbing, maniac, abnormal way. And by the way its half completed. T think i may have overdone a little bit. *is it not trend to have a 4 posted column for your tomb*. I still believe the grave manager is still protesting in silence.

Week ago: Got on board the express boat. Delightful. Not delightful when the other half of the passenger was throwing up through out the journey.

Five days ago: Got lost during Reconnaissance known as riki. How could i know what left means? Especially when you communicating through a bloody 10kg walkie talkie.

Couple of days ago: Drove up in someone else truck as i terrible with anything moving that has a certain name as 4wd on the job. Suddenly we stop. Me wonder. Me ask. The fella politely reply i need to measure if the truck height is enough for clearance *pointing at the 3.5m clearance height sign under the bridge*. Of all the trucks i choose to drove up with i just had to pick the whack one.

Yesterday : Got burnout due to work. Watch the Pirates of the Carribean in French. Love those movies.

Relay For life

2007-05-27T18:55:00.000+08:00

Beep..beep. My phone beeping signaling an incoming text message. In my head i know who text me.

The text was.
- Confirm?

The past two weeks i was busy working like a dog to tie loose end at office, working on how would i manage to buy a return flight ticket with my financial & essence of time so that i could squeeze to participate for this Relay For Life.

So that for today i could proudly confirm. Yes.

So anyone wish to join me?

My hate

2007-05-25T19:32:00.000+08:00

Dont you just hate it when people just show up on your door step. Hate those feeling.

Chronology of my road kill.

2007-05-10T18:19:00.000+08:00

Officially i had my driving license 7 years ago. Unofficially it has been nearly 10. Through this decade i had some bad and good experience. Those sweet moments of hitting those manhole cover, those pit, those uneven surface, those no road line marking and those flooding waste water moments. So after graduation and able to afford breakfast more than RM5 i bought my first car. It was a treasured moment. Driving to all new areas, using old route and visiting weird places. Those are the reason that i am like a magnet to road kill.

Roadkill (for any one there) can be define as a term describing animal fatally struck by or ridden over by vehicles on road and freeway.

So for a decade i had hit unintentionally;

1. a rooster (during raya festival)
2. a hen (my grandmother's)
3. a goose (while i was reversing my car)
4. a duck
5. a fox
6. pangolin (tengiling)
7. several monkeys (i think they were siamang)
8. porcupine (landak)
9. peacock (sorry lan)
...

However yesterday experience made me realize that i could do much better.

Me driving, holding a steering with my right hand and changing the radio channel with the other.
Suddenly. *Thump*.
"What was that?" I paused but still driving slowly.
My next seated friend looked back. "Not sure. I cant see anything". She steer to the side mirror and had this startling look.
"What?". I was kinda worried.
"Years of experience i have never seen anyone drive over a crocodile".

Officially i am a road kill magnet.

Entourage

2007-05-08T22:42:00.001+08:00

'You're alone?' Puzzling i voiced out. Maybe because i am used to people bringing others to the rendezvous point. Predictably if i call a person, two or three will show up. Sometime none whom i recognize. Its a fast pacing era that time are essence to even meet others. Why dont we meet them at once we thought. Sometimes its handy to have someone during those akward quiet moment when you are drain out of subject to talk about. And sometime having another would shield you off from any sticky discussion. Some even think that it could boost their self esteem being surrounded by many. What ever the reason are.

But when pye answer my puzzle question. 'I came here to see and talk to you not someone else'. I felt relief, honor and little bit stupid. It has been a long time when i talk one to one in person with no fortress no distraction no booster that made me actually miss it. Tq pye

Tree anatomy four

2007-05-06T15:41:00.001+08:00

Kenapaaaa?

2007-05-04T15:26:00.000+08:00

Do i hate myself for being sick. Sick not to move and sick not to not move. And tomorrow is my day off. Reality hurts. Reality being sick on the weekend hurts more. Kenapa lah tak sakit waktu hari bekerja?

Again?

2007-05-03T22:04:00.001+08:00

Dont you just hate uncontrolled circumstance. Another late night encounter with the mystique supernatural this time with photo evidence. I do not want to jinx it. So gonna work on daytime. There is a limit of my bravery

Tree anatomy three part three

2007-05-01T20:43:00.001+08:00

4 hours charcoal n pencil. Something to kill my boredom.

Tree anatomy three part two

2007-05-01T20:39:00.001+08:00

Tree anatomy one

2007-05-01T11:13:00.001+08:00

Tree anatomy two

2007-05-01T11:12:00.001+08:00

Still progressing tree anatomy. It was difficult to get knead eraser here. After 2 day search at last i found a shop that sold them but on a high price. Miss those art shop. Need to remind myself to buy them when i am in kl.

Only five weird thing?

2007-04-30T13:27:00.000+08:00

Previously i was tag by fidah. As any normal human being, my instinct reflex was just to ignore it. However after being tag by K, AA & H. I have no option but to prevail to this quest on how weird could i be.

Five strange things about me. I hope while reading this you are seated and buckled up.

1. I am acrophobia. Yet I had rock climb several times and work in an industry that requires me to climb a 22 storey high building on a two feet wide steel ladder. Have been an acrophobia since i was born and will be throughout many years ahead. Its just in this decade i learn to work around it and make sure it will not stop me from having a moment of watching breathless landscape 200 meter above sea level.

2. I listen to goth music. And please note Marilyn Manson is more goth theme than music. I prefer The Cure, Bauhaus, NiN, London After Midnight, Avenged Sevenfold and others. Currently i stream more to industrial music when i read. However i have a line between carrying out the subculture into reality. So do not expect me to be all black or all grotesque. My bro told me i just lack the coffin to store my CD collection with 18PL poster on it. hahaha.

3. Just a few of my friends know that i could read & write in several language other than English & Malay that i wish not to mention. Some people like to chart it all over their resume and absorb in their lifestyle. You wont see that in me. As i feel its insignificant in my daily life as i could read and write but not speak. I will not much to even acknowledge it that i do but sometime it does slip now and then when i unintended translate a phrase or two.

4. It is essential that when i travel i stop by to visit the museum and library. It like a self discovery over and over again. And the fact that i love how library or museum smell. Maybe thats why i love watching those ancient clues & mummy autopsy series on the discovery channel.

5. I still drink cow milk.

So thats all i could write about. Hope i did not gross out anyone. And i will tag other who read this.

WELCOME BACK PONTIANAK

2007-04-27T16:19:00.000+08:00

Holiday was cut short due manpower issue. But i came back all fresh, tan and insomnia. The short trip was more than i expected or wanted even when most of the trip i had problem translating what people are saying. So trust me if i say that i got lost most of the time.

Before i started my journey last week, i started night work. So everything was hey hey good. So yesterday after a week of vacation, I started to prepare for work. Thinking its my first day back, i thought there is no harm in coming an half hour late. As i arrive, everyone was mobilizing out. I was thinking, what?. Its not raining or news mentioning of any typhoon hitting soon. So i was struck on who give them the authority to stop work. Further questioning i found out that they saw a women crying screaming holding her baby. Being the only gal they assume that i was pulling some prank or what. So when AA, saw the guys running away from the woman. Their thought was this is bad news. Ahhh the sweet agony of working at night. Not just that you are require to have a torchlight but a foolproof ghost 'azimat'. How do i miss night work.

WELCOME BACK TO NIGHT WORK.

Um outro curso do backpack

2007-04-16T09:52:00.000+08:00

Esta quarta-feira eu começarei viajar.eu vontade sai da cidade por duas semanas. Eu encontrar-me-ei com o cheriio meu sócio esta sexta-feira em Sibu. Wish me luck.

Nota para meu amigo: Eu chamarei todos quando eu alcanço o meu destine.

Pirates..

2007-04-13T10:53:00.000+08:00

Just could not resist anticipating the next pirates of carribbean next installment. Maybe because when i was young my grandpa told us that great grandpa was a pirate.

Still loving it.

2007-04-12T10:43:00.000+08:00

Loving the sound of it

Your Icecream Flavour is...Neopolitan!

You aren't satisfied with just one flavor. They say variety is the spice of life and this shines through in your Ice cream of choice! Just don't eat all the chocolate and leave the strawberry and vanilla behind!

"ACHTUNG!

ayong may actually be a spider-human hybrid

A	Awkward
Y	Yum
O	Orderly
N	Neat
G	Glamorous

Another on top of the world

2007-04-12T10:41:00.000+08:00

My signature internet subculture & cool-o-meter.

Which internet subculture do I belong to? [CLICK]
	You are a Goth!
Oh Woe is you! Your LJ is full of angsty poetry and every breath is PAINFUL for you. Remember, when you are playing with razor blades, it's down, not across! Make it count! (kidding!)

Am I cool or uncool? [CLICK]

You are Super-Cool!

Woah! Step back - the future's so bright for you it's blinding me! You are the coolest of the cool. Everyone looks up to you as the benchmark for being coooool. The fonze was your grandfather. Any cooler and you'd freeze! WOO it's chilly in here.

Cool quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

Yahooooo. I am still on top of the game.

2007-04-12T10:24:00.000+08:00

Something to cheer me up today. Took the tarot & personality cocktail test. Am i bless.

How to make a ayong

Ingredients:

1 part intelligence

5 parts brilliance

3 parts energy

Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Top it off with a sprinkle of fitness and enjoy!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Chocfudge please tell me this is my last case.

2007-04-11T13:21:00.000+08:00

Am i bother that i was given a flyer label 'Abortion Rm500" on front. This occur when some gal pass those flyer as i was waiting in the hospital for my mentee. I lost interest reading further after the first paragraph phrasing "another alternative". Since Proton has been in production, friends have thrown question toward me on my stand regarding abortion. I could never know how to answer. As seeing upfront neglect children or physical abuse children that it ticks me believing abortion is possible. Or that the birth or the remark or a child could stung your heart that abortion is out of question. It resurface as yes no that i could not embody a separation line between them. Thats why i hate abortion cases. It just make you swear again and again that you have seen all evil thing in the world.

So when a mentee ask you. Should i have an abortion? Even when each scenario or circumstances are different. I prefer to check my manual "Abortion question for dummies". But wait. There is no such thing.

Some people would say it loud. NO. But when they heard the whole story or the real situation the BIG LOUD NO seem to fade away. While the YES folks tend to say it low and quiet. Those are the reason that i need to have this one person. One person having Anna Wintour persona, self assure and exert to the point could would make devil look like a Barbie. It not about configuring to their decision but more of a push for my wake up call by debating longly and widely on why how could when. After all those exhaustive process and winding roads, its the mothers decision at the end of the hour that is important. As you will only be a passerby in her journey.

As we roll out the hospital all three still intact. The sight of a church adjacent to the hospital made me think the paradox in life.

Acupuntura Urbana

2007-04-10T10:12:00.000+08:00

I am attempted to buy Jaime Lerner new livro. But there is slight problem. Just significant. Its written in Portuguese. Even i not that fluent in Portuguese even for me who was raise in as cicades of Portuguese descendant. I know Latin but not Portuguese. Weird huh. That i could translate word by word from a bible in Latin but i am still having é difícil translating the AlQuran or Hadith in Arabic. Feel like some sort of traitor. I could blame the education system. As i learn latin when i was in tender age and it stuck in my brain like é informações vitais. *Just showing off my rusty Portuguese*. Maybe i should call marco to help me translate the livro. Is there anyone out there who could help me out?

Note to pye: No. I not gonna read the original interpretation of dream text in German (Die Traumdeutung). Reading Nietzche in german has permanent made me brain damage.

Revised blog

2007-04-09T15:39:00.000+08:00

Had update the blog. I have rounded all corners. making it more clean. Move the flicker photo at header. Move all sidebar below. Add thumbnail images as a separator. However there are still some outstanding item that are is progressing.

Current doping

2007-04-07T13:14:00.000+08:00

Need to buy joss stone new album. Heard a snippet of her song n just loved it. Currently reading freud interpretation of dream n thinking how he bare all his theory and life. Making him similar to a working artist.

Small difference

2007-04-06T15:49:00.001+08:00

Its getting tough at 8am to stay awake. Especially when your eyes would not close after 1am. To kill time until dawn i made a decision to paint my nails black. Something to amuse me. Something that will make my boredom run 250 km/hr i hope. Then oversleep on the sofa waiting for the nails to dry. With only limited time ready for office this morning. The black nail slip my mind. The gals were teasing me. How i have elevate my reputation higher as a no bull*#@t no talk person. Maybe.